Road Stories
What Your Car Says about You
Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars
Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people
Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Dodge Ram.- Former Civic owner going to get even with all the people who cut him off.
Ford Explorer - I will not be caught dead in a mini van
Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
Honda del Sol - I have always said, “Half a convertible is better than no convertible at all”
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)
Mercedes 300SL - pretender (no one wants my autograph)
Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
MGB - I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts
Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie
Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Porsche 928 - I don't care what you think, I'm having fun and like to spend money.
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu
Volkswagen Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagen Microbus - I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon - I am scared of my wife